FORGIVENESS


I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic lately. As in: “Forgive us our debts/trespasses/sins as we forgive our debtors/those who tresspass/who sin against us.” (Matt. 6:12) Or to put forgiveness another way: “The measure you give will be the measure you get.” (Matt. 7:2)

We all know very well how much we trespass and sin against one another, and end up being in debt to one another regarding our need for grace and forgiveness. It seems like, no matter how hard we try not to, we say and do all kinds of things that offend and hurt and cast others in a bad light. The manner in which we speak, the implications that we put forth, and the unintentional actions we often make toward others too often are sources of misunderstanding, dissension, and fractured relationships.


Why is it so hard for us humans to treat each other well; in good ways that never need forgiveness? And why is it so hard for us to give and receive the forgiveness that our Savior demands us to offer and accept? He even modeled the extreme kind of forgiveness that must be present in our relationships as brothers and sisters in Christ when he said, from the cross itself: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34) Since “A disciple is not above his master” (Matt. 10:24) and Jesus said to us: “If you love me, you will obey what I command.” (John14:15), shouldn’t this extreme attitude and expression of forgiveness be a basic characteristic of all of us who claim to be His disciples?

Hmmm......

One of the devotional books I’m reading each day this year is a collection of writings from C.S. Lewis. Recently, a series of these daily readings offered Lewis’s insights “On Forgiveness” from his 1941 Oxford address, “The Weight of Glory.” One fascinating point he makes is the difference between forgiveness and excuses. He writes:

“I find that when I am asking God to forgive me I am often in reality asking Him to do something quite different. I am asking Him not to forgive me but to excuse me. But there is all the difference in the world between forgiving and excusing. Forgiveness says ‘Yes, you have done this thing, but I accept your apology; I will never hold it against you and everything between us two will be exactly as it was before.’ But excusing says ‘I see that you couldn’t help it or didn’t mean it; you weren’t really to blame.’ If one was not really to blame, there is nothing to forgive. In that sense forgiveness and excusing are almost opposites.”

Have you ever considered that when you are confessing your sins and transgressions--to God or to other people--that maybe all you are doing is making excuses for yourself, and not really asking for forgiveness at all? Or when you say to someone “I forgive you,” perhaps you are only excusing their bad talk or poor behavior, not really forgiving what they are “doing unto you?"

Does it even matter?

Lewis thinks so. He continues:

“The trouble is that what we call ‘asking God’s forgiveness’ very often really consists in asking God to accept our excuses. What leads us into this mistake is the fact that there usually is some amount of excuse, some ‘extenuating circumstances.’ We are so very anxious to point these out to God (and to ourselves) that we are apt to forget the really important thing; that is, the bit left over, the bit which the excuses don’t cover, the bit which is inexcusable but not, thank God, unforgiveable. All the real excusing He will do. What we have got to take to Him is the inexcusable bit, the SIN, (and) really and truly believe in the forgiveness of sins. A great deal of our anxiety to make excuses comes from not really believing in forgiveness, for thinking that God will not take us to Himself unless He is satisfied that some sort of case can be made out in our favor. But that would not be forgivenss at all. Real forgiveness means looking steadily at the sin, the sin that is left over without any excuse, and seeing it in all its horror, dirt, meanness, and malice, and nevertheless being wholly reconciled to the man who has done it. That, and only that, is forgiveness.”


Kind of makes you wonder if you’ve ever truly given and received forgiveness at all, doesn’t it?! This is very challenging and convicting to me too. I feel that too much of what I have asked from other people--and from God--throughout my life has only been “excuse me.” But those “bits” which excuses don’t cover--ouch! I think I might be carrying quite a load of “bits” around with me that have never truly been forgiven. I probably have not even asked for these “bits” to be forgiven! Perhaps there is an unwillingness inside of me to even see these “bits” for the inexcusable realities they truly are!

Lewis goes on to say some things about forgiving others:

“Here also, forgiving does not mean excusing. Many people seem to think it does. They think that if you ask them to forgive someone who has cheated or bullied them you are trying to make out that there was really no cheating or bullying. But if that were so, there would be nothing to forgive. They keep on replying, ‘But I tell you the man broke a solemn promise.’ Exactly! That is precisely what you have to forgive. (It) means you must make every effort to kill every taste of resentment in your own heart; every wish to humiliate or hurt him or to pay him out. Even if he is absolutely fully to blame we still have to forgive him. To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”

This is hard! In fact, these are the very words that Lewis writes in his book! He is totally honest:

“This is hard. It is perhaps not so hard to forgive a single great injury. But to forgive the incessant provocations of daily life--to keep on forgiving the bossy mother-in-law, the bullying husband, the nagging wife, the selfish daughter, the deceitful son--how can we do it? Only, I think, by remembering where we stand; by meaning our words when we say in our prayers each night ‘forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.’ We are offered forgiveness on no other terms. To refuse it is to refuse God’s mercy for ourselves. There is no hint of exceptions and God means what He says.”


I can see that I have much to learn, and much to do in regard to giving and receiving true forgiveness. I know that there are a host of relationships and things in my life that need to be forgiven, and that I need to forgive in others too. I have great excuses! I am always convinced that my motives are pure and good. My intentions are always for what is best (well, almost always...).

But now I’m starting to realize that all of these motives and intentions and desires of mine might, from the perspective of other people, actually be those inexcusable “bits” that need forgiving! Might be the very things that I need to ask forgiveness for, because they have hurt, offended, and broken my relationships with others, despite my best, honest, most pure intentions.

Perhaps this is where the topic of GRACE comes in; that what we humans need to extend more and more to one another is GRACE, realizing what people’s true intentions are when we feel hurt, offended, and negative because of what other people have said and done to us. We need to stop, take a deep breath, try to look at the bigger picture, and even ask clearly what the other’s intentions really were in what they said/did/implied in their words and actions toward us. But grace must be a topic for another day...

Pastor Bruce recently preached on “Love, Acceptance, and Forgiveness.” The sermon title came from a book that impacted him deeply back in the ‘70’s, but it is still so relevant to today. The sermon was the first in a series about our congregation’s health, as identified through the Veritas process. One key “area of growth” for our church is in our relationships. It is clear that love, acceptance, and forgiveness will be necessary components for this growth to happen. If we truly love one another, as God has loved us and as Jesus has instructed us to love, we will then be able to accept one another in the ways Jesus accepted others--and in the way He accepts us! Essential to all of this, though, is forgiveness. Only if we are a church community that practices generous, outrageous, lavish forgiveness can the kind of love and acceptance that Jesus talked about and demonstrated be realized in and through our congregation.


In my last blog, I wrote about the transition that we are facing here at Hilmar Covenant. It seems like this is an opportune time for us as a congregation to come together in love, acceptance, and forgiveness, to clear up anything from these past years that might disrupt, hold back, or derail this important time of transition, and to go forward clean, refreshed, and energized in our relationships so that, as a church community, we can begin a new and exciting time of life and ministry together.

I'll be back in a few weeks--Oaxaca and Chicago, here I come!